Don’t Waste Your Money on “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back”

Let me waste my money for you!  Let me just state for the record that I’m a giant Tom Cruise supporter. Come on, who isn’t ‘really’ a Cruise fan? The guy doesn’t know how to make a bad movie, right? Well, that ‘was’ the case until this unnecessary sequel to the moderate hit came to theaters over this past weekend.

How can this be?

Well, it’s a combination of things. The biggest culprit is the script. In this go around, we see our hero, Reacher, (who gets by hitchhiking and staying at Motel 6’s) investigate the imprisonment of Army Major Turner (played by Cobie Smulders) who was in charge of his old unit. You see, Reacher developed a rapport with Turner as she helped him solve cases around the country. It isn’t until he arrives to actually meet Turner (face to face) that he comes to find out that she has been imprisoned for espionage.  Suspecting foul play, Reacher rescues Turner from a prison (in a completely over-the-top scene) and they both become wanted fugitives trying to exonerate themselves.

Perhaps the most annoying aspect of this story is the subplot that Reacher may be a father. He is told by an attorney that he needs to take a paternity test as someone is claiming that he is the biological father of a 14 year old girl. He adamantly denies the claim yet we later see him entertain the possibility. In knowing his involvement, the bad guys (gov’t contractors) go after his supposed daughter, Samantha Dayton (acted horribly by Danika Yarosh). Eventually, Reacher and Turner are able to find her and together they all go on the run.

Then we are given a family drama for about 25 minutes where Reacher and Turner dance around the idea of a real relationship together while babysitting Samantha.  There’s even a moment when Reacher tries to explain to Turner that he has to go out and kick a$$ alone while she stays and watches Samantha.  Turner has a knee jerk reaction and goes on a tirade about how hard women have it in the field, etc. and essentially accuses Reacher of being sexist when, in fact, he was being very practical about the whole situation (he can’t really relate to Samantha like Turner can).

Once the story decided to get going again, I actually stopped checking my watch. The action revs up during a nightly city parade in Louisiana and ends in a short-lived brawl that was actually pretty well directed.  I should mention that the main villain is a lot like the assassins in the “Bourne” films. He gets ‘activated’ to do anything this shady company requests of him and he sees Reacher as competition for who could be more bada$$. Because whynot?

Outside of the conventional, very predictable storyline and subpar acting (that includes you, Mr. Cruise); I cannot help but wonder why the film was made at all. I know the obvious answer – money. I imagine that this sequel will do a lot worse. Furthermore, I can’t believe that the director of this sequel (Edward Zwick) is the same guy that worked with Cruise in “The Last Samurai” and did the incredible film “Glory” back in 1989.

Note: The first “Jack Reacher” was written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie.  

Note: The sequel (as well as the original) we both based on the books by Lee Child.

Everything ends with a bow on it so to speak (for the good guys). Unfortunately, Reacher doesn’t ‘seal the deal’ with Turner and finds out that **SPOILER** Don’t Read Rest of This Paragraph** Samantha isn’t really his daughter. We wouldn’t want the next sequel to tie Reacher down with Daddy duties would we? I remain hopeful that this remains the last in the ‘Reacher’ movies.

In Summary

There are many other things to watch right now – “Black Mirror” (new season on Netflix), “Mascots” (new mockumentary on Netflix), and really any horror film (it’s that time of year!).

 

Grade: C-

 

I’m sure Tom Cruise will be back to making good movies in no time. He has another “Mission Impossible” movie in the works and the “Mummy” movie hitting theaters sometime next year.

Exclusive: Kill Me Three Times Review

The Omaha Film Festival had another movie that I was anxious to see and that was the Simon Pegg starrer, “Kill Me Three Times”. The film doesn’t hit theaters (in limited release) until April 10, 2015 but I can see why the film is looking for a limited release because this movie is about as dull as dishwater (that’s an official idiom from the Free Dictionary!).

Look, I love Simon Pegg and actually enjoy movies like this — black comedies with twists and turns, but the script was uninspired and you weren’t made to really care about any of the characters as by the time you think you get to know them they are killed. It’s almost as if the writers only focused on Simon Pegg’s character and making him mildly entertaining and just built characters that ‘perfectly’ interweaved in a half-cocked story that by the time of the 5th twist has you rolling your eyes and beginning to check your watch.

The trailer is much better than the movie. See below for yourselves!

The only thing that worked was Simon Pegg in this Australian noir black comedy. I couldn’t help but think that Pegg would be perfect as Inspector Clouseau in a modern retelling of “The Pink Panther”. He’s just a lovable idiot that you can’t help but root for no matter who he seems to play. In this movie he wears the most stereotypical all black hit man suit (trying really hard not to be noticed) and has the most ridiculous mustache that I couldn’t help but like.

Even outside of the beautiful locations, the director, Kriv Stenders, managed to get a pretty impressive cast around Pegg yet they are wasted. The gorgeous Teresa Palmer and Alice Braga could’ve been played by any pretty actresses. Then there was a very strange looking Bryan Brown (remember him as bartender Doug Coughlin in “Cocktail” (1988)?) as a corrupt, un-intimidating cop. Lastly, and I have to speak more in length about this, there’s Luke Hemsworth. Yes, he’s the ‘other’ Hemsworth brother to the much more talented actors — Chris and Liam and he’s one of the worst actors I’ve ever seen! It’s a good thing he only chews up about a minute of screen time. I know what bad acting is! I tried to act myself and I received so much criticism that I’m the basis for bad acting and I can act circles around this Luke Hemsworth fella. He should just stick to lifting weights and maybe take up stunt double work for his brothers in the future.

In a story where no one has a redeemable quality, it’s not hard to hate this movie. Is it a renter? Most definitely not. Simon Pegg fans, you’ve been warned! Luckily, I do not see this movie tarnishing any of the crew’s careers, except maybe for the director, as this limited release will come and go and no one will make much fuss.

Grade: D+